Whether you’re a keen golfer or not, Social media marketing and online marketing is the best way to promote your business or brand online, and in the right hands it can be a hugely powerful tool that’s extremely effective not just at generating traffic but, more importantly, generating targeted traffic which results in a high level of conversions and sales. Social media marketing is not a static playing field though, and the rules change rapidly, as do the opportunities available. What worked yesterday may not necessarily work tomorrow.

Play More Golf!However, there are some general rules and principles which remain either successful approaches, or disastrous tactics. Successful approaches tend often to have their foundation in the ways in which businesses deal with other businesses and with clients in the real world. But if your business is a little too successful and you’re finding that your website is receiving too much traffic and is leaving you little time to play golf then you may be interested in the following advice.

Gathered here are the top six ways in which you can use social media marketing and online marketing to ensure if not a complete collapse of your business, at least a serious degradation of traffic and interest and a decline in the reputation of your online brand. Following these top tips offers no guarantee of being blacklisted by everyone, but it will certainly result in you finding yourself with plenty more spare time to play golf, and a business which is a good deal quieter and less active than before.

1. Hop on to Twitter, create a new business account, and then find one or two really big name Twitter profiles. You could try Twitter (with 5.2 million followers), Google (with 3.1 million followers) or one of your favourite online SEO experts. Then just work your way through their followers list and follow everyone.

2. Make sure you ignore the word ‘social’ in ‘social media marketing’. Make sure all your Twitter posts, blog posts, Facebook updates and emails are stuffed full of blatant marketing, with no valuable content, no responses to other people, no offers of help or comments on issues.

3. Unfortunately there are laws about running down to your friends’ houses or local businesses and graffiting advertising messages all over them. Which is a shame. However, the good news is that you are allowed to do this online. Make sure you regularly post lots of blatant advertising or marketing messages on the Facebook walls of everyone you know.

4. Use an advert as your profile image wherever possible. This is a sure fire way of putting people off, because they tend to expect social marketing to be, well, social, and this tends to imply a certain amount of personal interaction. Most people therefore use photographs of themselves as their profile image, or at least the business logo if it’s a corporate profile. Break the mould and you’ll find yourself breaking a good deal more besides.

5. Spend a couple of days creating as many fake Facebook accounts as you can, then log in to each one and click every ‘Like’ button you have ever included anywhere, from your blog posts to web pages and articles. Don’t worry about the fact that this breaches Facebook’s terms and conditions, because the good news is you’ll probably find the accounts closed very quickly, and you may even find your main account blocked.

6. If you insist on including the word ‘social’ in your social media marketing then head over to that side almost exclusively. Be very social, calling everyone by their first names or pet names, being cheeky, quirky and humorous at every possible opportunity. Everybody loves a clown don’t they? No? Oh well, it’s all in a good cause – that golf course is getting ever closer.